Your life's purpose...

Others say and believe that each of us have a purpose in life. But my question is, how do we know what that purpose is? I would want to think that my purpose in life would somehow have to do with having some sort of impact to someone else's life. Most of my family and friends know that I can carry a tune but I have not really developed it. Could that be considered a gift from God that I just buried? Just like the one from the parable of the talents in the bible. The master gave his servants different amounts of talents for them to invest but the one servant just buried it and was punished accordingly. I used to sing in church but was cut short since my family decided to move to another church because of some misunderstandings within the previous church that we were in. Since then, I didn't get the chance to sing again, so I figured maybe that wasn't what I am supposed to do. I am also a very shy person especially to people I don't know and so I am also not good with starting a conversation to share the word of God but I can say that when someone asks for my advice I make sure that I add God to our conversation for them to give all their problems to Him. 

My 2 older brothers passed away last May, one of them is already a christian but my other brother isn't. I tried to share with him the word of God and invited him to join us in church but he hesitated because he was full of hatred in his heart and I assume that he is angry at God because of what happened to him. They are both undergoing dialysis due to Chronic Kidney Disease. My christian brother was already blind and my other brother was always in severe pain. My christian brother died first and before he died, he said to one of their church leaders that his only burden was my other brother who won't fully surrender his life to God. During his wake, I was able to have some time with my other brother and we talked about our brother's burden about him. I told him, give everything to God, all your pains, all your hatred and I am sure God will hear your prayers. Usually he gets irritated when you bring up these kind of things to him but this time he was different. His head was bowed down and he just shook his head in approval to what I said. He died after my brother was cremated. He died during his dialysis session while asleep. A couple of times he told me that if God will finally take him, please do it while he's asleep. I truly believe in my heart that he has finally surrendered everything to God and so God heard his prayer. 

All of us have a purpose in life regardless of our religion. This is about our personal relationship with the Lord. I have yet to see my purpose but I will continue to share God's grace in whatever way I can. 

Sibling relationships taken for granted

Relationships with brothers and sisters are the longest relationships of our lives. Often times we take these relationships for granted. My two brothers passed away just 3 days apart. They both have chronic kidney disease and undergoing dialysis for years. Days would pass without me thinking of them yet since their death, I think of them every single day. I was so busy working and taking care of my own everyday struggles that I forgot to think of my brothers who are struggling with illness. I tried to help them the best way I thought I can but now I've realized I could've done more. Life is short and for people with illness, life is shorter. We exchange calls and chat messages regularly and sometimes I spent time with them during special occasions and weekend lunches or dinners and I thought that was enough. Often times I was in a hurry to go back home. I was spending my time with them but at the back of my mind I was thinking of work and other things. But since they died, I always stop and think that I should've stayed longer, I could've given more and I would've made life easier for them - BUT I DIDN'T! The hardest part is that you can only realize things when you can no longer do anything to correct it.

People say that everything in life happens for a reason, no matter how hard, painful or unfair it may be, something better will always come out of it. I may find this hard to believe right now but I trust that God will help me get through this most difficult time in my life. 

We should always remember, it is important to celebrate these relationships we have with people in our lives and honor these relationships every day while we still can. We may be able to move on with our lives after the death of our loved ones but we won't be able to get over regret.

If you are fortunate enough to have on-going relationships with your siblings, savour them, stay close, and make the most out of each opportunity you have to spend time with them. Relationships are impermanent and can’t be taken for granted.

NO MORE PAIN MY BROTHERS!!! 

Recovering from sciatica without surgery

This is my first time to write a blog. I figured it would be nice to share some things I have experienced to others hoping that one way or another it could help them. To give you a background of myself. I work at home since 2008 and also have a small online-based jewelry store.

Two years ago, I was diagnosed with slipped disc or others call it herniated disc or sciatica. It is a type of back/spine problem where the disc in between our spines protrude which causes excruciating pain and discomfort. At first I thought, I was just aging (now in my early 40s) that’s why I am having some difficulty standing up after more than 6 hours of sleep so basically when I wake up in the morning I have this pain in my back that easily goes away after walking a few steps. This has been going on for probably 2 years. I didn’t go for any check-up since I really thought I just lack exercise since my job, at that time, required me to sit long hours. Mostly 10-12 hours a day. And then after some time I've noticed that I am also having a hard time getting out of the car even if it’s just a short drive. I experienced difficulty in sitting or even standing would cause some pain as well. I began checking out my symptoms online and I have read that this may be a sign of a serious back problem. I have decided to call an orthopedic doctor but his schedule is not until Tuesday and that was Saturday when I called. Come Sunday, we went to church early in the morning and I couldn’t walk normally. It’s like I am dragging my left leg and I can’t sit even for just a few minutes so I decided to just stand up while  attending our Sunday service. That day passed and here comes Monday. I woke up and when I tried to stand up, I couldn’t! There was too much pain that I can’t really lift my lower back up. I was so afraid because I needed to pee but how? I was hysterical and crying because I didn’t know what to do. My husband helped me up but it was really painful. The kind of pain that would make you shiver. To make the long story short, I got an MRI and it was confirmed that the disc is already hitting my nerve hence the pain. The doctors gave me all sorts of pain medications, the tough ones but nothing worked. But there was no pain if I am lying down just when standing up. So you can imagine my ordeal in going to the bathroom. I was advised to have surgery but my uncle who is a doctor asked me to see his friend who is an Orthopedic doctor. He said I should try physical therapy first before resorting to surgery. Also a friend of mine referred me to Capitol Medical Hospital for rehab. And so I started getting therapy but there was so much pain going back and forth to the hospital so we requested a therapist who can visit me at home instead. Forgot to tell you that I was bedridden for 3 months. 3x a week of therapy and tons of pain medications. After 3 months, little by little I can see improvements but I think on the 8th month was when I can walk again with lesser pain and about a year I think I was back to my normal self. Although, there are some limitations like I won't be able to bend forward or backward anymore and I should not carry heavy stuff. I also can’t twist my body from side to side.  Amidst all these, I am thankful! Thankful that I can go back to just being able to do things like take a bath and pee normally. Being able to walk in the mall again is already a luxury. Now I can travel again which is great! I guess we don’t always have to resort to surgery all the time. I do get back aches here and there but everything is manageable now. Opting for a second or third opinion really helps. Actually, I find that the best option is to really give all your pains to the Lord and know that He will take over. Only God knows what is best. 

"Not my will but your will be done!"